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Hey fam!
Last Sunday, before getting up for church, I was scrolling on Instagram (pray for me) and I came across a therapist who was sharing how rough this season has been for him. With everything going on, the amount of people struggling, and the intensity of their struggles, has become a lot for him to bear. He is trying to navigate this alongside trying to process his own feelings about what's going on and it is increasingly difficult for him. He said he usually tries to say something positive. But right now, he doesn't really have anything to say.

Right after that, may be a reel or two later, I came across another video about spiritual bypassing, a term coined by American psychotherapist John Welwood. I had never heard that term before. The poster was a preacher and licensed therapist. The question he posed in his reel was, "are we using scripture to help us heal or help us hide?"

He talked about how Christians are masterful in hiding behind scripture when things get hard. How we are good at using it to "avoid grief, trauma, accountability, and emotional work." And how we can use it to escape instead of face reality. But Jesus did not do this, he says. Jesus didn't bypass His pain or act unbothered. He felt. He acknowledged how He felt. And He opened Himself to others, like when He asked His disciples to stay awake and pray with Him as He faced crucifixion (Mt. 26:40).

As someone who tries to be reflexive about my work, I started thinking about the way I present scripture to you, and what leads me to do so in the way I do. You know I come and lace you down in scripture, whether in this newsletter, one of my books, or in conversation (if it's about faith). As I listened to these two reels, I began to wonder: Am I engaged in spiritual bypassing? Am I unwittingly encouraging you to do so? I felt like this was an important question to think about and through. Spoiler alert: my answer is no, but I thought through why I believe it's no and I wanted to share that with you.

Several years ago, I started to notice the tone of my voice when talking to people about faith in casual conversation, workshops, etc. I started noticing how certain and sure I sounded and, for a while, I began to feel really self-conscious about it. I started to point it out to people. I would say, "I know how my voice comes across---like I'm so sure, that I never struggle or doubt, like this is just so easy. But that's just my voice. I don't know how to change that."

I did not want my being convinced that God is who He says He is (which is the confidence people hear) to come across as tone-deaf or dismissive of the very real things we go through in this life.

I did not want people to feel I was dismissing how difficult and disorienting this walk of faith can feel.

I'm very thankful that the Lord caused me to notice how my voice comes across, how the way I talk about God comes across. I'm thankful because it shows me how far I've come. In fact, He told me to stop apologizing for my confidence in Him. That confidence is hard won.

At the same time, it has made and keeps me aware that I am talking to people about the same faith walk, but we are speaking about that walk from different seasons. And different seasons bring different understandings.
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A personal example.​
My youngest sister is 14 years younger than me. She is in a phase where she is disillusioned with the family. And she doesn't want to be around that much. Over several of our conversations, I've tried to talk her out of that with the whole 'family is important thing'. To no avail, of course. And one day, as we were talking, the Holy Spirit gently stopped me and helped me remember when I felt the same way with the same intensity. He helped me realize I had the opportunity to feel my feelings, to move away, to work through them, and to come to the conclusion that being with my family mattered more to me than them fulfilling my hopes and expectations for them. I grew up and realized they, too, are people trying to work through their stuff just like I am. I had the opportunity to work out healthy boundaries for myself, to learn what I could and could not handle, what I would and would not tolerate, when to know it was time to go, what not to get involved with, etc. And learning that stuff has helped me have the relationship I desire with my family, despite their and my shortcomings.

My sister and I are both talking about our family, but from different seasons. I'm talking about engaging with the family after having the opportunity to work stuff out. She is speaking from the middle of her feelings that she is still working out. So I'm learning how to encourage her to stay connected in a way that honors her journey in discovering what that means and looks like. I cannot take that away from her. And sometimes that means saying nothing.

I endeavor to speak to you in the same way I'm learning to speak to my sister. The confidence you hear / sense in my correspondence is, in fact, hard won. It is confidence hewn out of 30+ years of learning to trust God and live out, and according to, what I say I believe about Him. But I am still learning how to speak to you from a different season: when to push, when to let it go.

Another example is a friend of mine who had lost their job and the Lord told them to work on the vision He gave them and He would provide for them. And He was providing for them...just not in the way they felt comfortable with yet. In talking, I was trying to encourage them. Honestly, I was trying to talk courage into them. But the Lord stopped me. I am confident in His provision because I've seen Him consistently provide over the years. She is at the beginning of her journey of getting to know Him truly as her provider. Of seeing His ability to provide for her beyond her having a job. I cannot shortcut that journey for her (as much as I want to). It is the only one that will build an unshakeable confidence in her about her God; a confidence she will need to do what He has for her. Going through the situations that taught me to trust God as my provider were NOT FUN AT ALL. But because I went through them and saw God provide every time, I now know He will always provide for me. And that's why I talk to you about His provision like I do.
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I come to you and keep God's word before you in the same way I keep it before myself. And that comes from 2 things:

1 Fact vs Truth​
Ron Kenoly has a song called, "Whose Report Shall You Believe?" The first two lyrics are, "Whose report will you believe? We shall believe the report of the Lord." Something that has been very helpful in the progression of my walk with God is differentiating the facts of my situation (what I'm feeling, seeing, dealing with, etc.) from the Truth of who God is, what He's said and done, and who and where I am in Him.

I have never hid from the facts of my situation. I am very transparent about how I feel and I see what is going on with eyes wide open. Those are facts that I contend with in a very real way. But they do not constitute the Truth of who or where I am, unless they line up with what God has said. Maturity and experience has helped me differentiate the two easier and get from fact back to Truth faster. But it is still something I have to work through just like anyone else. When I share scripture with you, it is to help you put the facts in their place and anchor yourself in the Truth of who God is and who you are in Him...beyond the facts.
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2 The vital importance of remembering​
Hebrews 3:14 (NKJV) talks about "hold[ing] the beginning of our confidence steadfast to the end." As I was looking at related scriptures, I landed at Psalm 78, which is a powerful account of the children of Israel's missteps in the wilderness, which began with their failure to remember. In several verses, it shares how they went wrong.
v. 7: they did not set their hope in God and they forgot His works
v. 11: they forgot His works and His wonders He'd shown them
v. 22: they did not believe in God, or rely on Him, or trust in His ability to save
v. 42: they did not remember His power
v. 56: they did not keep His testimonies

I continue to put scripture before you to encourage you to remember. Remembering what God did before and what He has said has been VITAL to me staying connected to Him, and persevering through the difficulties that have arisen along the way. I like to look up Greek and Hebrew words in Chatgpt alongside my other sources like Blueletterbible and others. I love what it said about remembering in this account:

It talked about how "one of the things shaping our perception is the stories we keep before us." Regarding Israel's behavior in the wilderness, it talks about how when Israel remembers what God did before, they "interpret their present circumstance one way." And when they don't remember, they interpret it differently, which leads to actions that displease God.

I keep scripture before you to help you keep your heart in the right place because you have the right stories in front of you helping you interpret your current situation according to who you are in Him. I mean this is what we said yes to, right?

One time, when I was heartbroken because of something that didn't go the way I wanted (which made me not want to talk to Him), He ignored me and gave me this exercise that I did for a workshop. It is three steps:
1 This is what's going on. This is where I get to lay out the facts: the feelings, everything.
​ 2 But You said: This is the remember part. Where I recall what He said, what He did, etc.
3 So I will: And this is where I determine I am going to believe and move according to His truth and not the facts. And it's where I outline what I'm going to do in line with that determination.

Try it. It was powerful for me. I was more impacted than the attendees. Hahahhaa.

I love you all. Though I haven't met many of you, I am honored I get to encourage you in the goodness of our Father.

Be blessed!
Marlita